Overdue Post

So, I've been wanting to blog for awhile now but I just couldn't think of anything to blog about... I feel like a lot of my posts seem to be very depressing (I guess that sums up my state of mind right now). Things have certainly been a little out of control!

Life just seems to be pulling me down lately. I really have had quite a hard year. First with my dad, then the bus crash, my depression, and everything else piling up has gotten to be unbearable. I keep waiting for my "happy ever after", but it hasn't happened yet.

Don't get me wrong - I am so blessed right now! I have an amazing family, and amazing home, a husband who cares for all of us - so what's my problem, right??

Well, I think I have turned into the worst version of myself! I am so unhappy with myself, and for some reason I just can't get out of my rut. It has been a rough 15 years dealing with some issues that just won't go away. I need to really figure this out, huh!

I also think that the move has been hard. We have such a wonderful house, but we still don't know our neighbors. It's a pretty established neighborhood and some of the families have been here a long time - so, we just don't fit in... And, I miss my friends terribly! I think it's been since October since I've seen them - and, I really haven't talked to them much either (completely my fault). I never realized how much I relied on them for advise and support. My depression has made it impossible to deal with things or communicate with people. I stick pretty close to home unless I have to work. My poor family usually has to fend for themselves for dinner. What is wrong with me??

I don't mean to complain - just really needed to vent! Life just is hard sometimes - and I've yet figured out how to deal with it. Don't you think a 32 year old should know who they are... ??

On a positive note, my family is doing well. Jack is with Steve this week and I miss him. Bree is doing her first guard camp with Wasatch Academy, and Myles is Myles - loving life and makes me laugh.

Keeping Busy!

So, the past two weeks have been so busy - almost unbearable! But, hopefully we can slow down a bit.

We had our first summer camp two weeks ago for guard, and that went great. We have 47 girls this year - crazy! But, they are a really great group of kids.

We then had guard camp all last week with Pancho. It was so great having him here! We had a great week, but it was certainly long.

On Thursday, me and my friend Kelsy went up to the apple store to wait in line for the new iPhone4. We initially went for Pancho, but after waiting in line for 5 hours, I got one for myself - and I love it! Pancho did make it up there to wait with us, but he only had to wait under an hour, lol.

Anyways, that's what we've been up to. Not much, but keeping busy.

Walking into the store to get our phone (after 5 long hours in the sun)

After we got our phone (with some random Apple worker)

My friend Kelsy with the kids

Test on Faith

The past few weeks have definitely been a test on faith for me - and, I'm not sure that my faith has won out...
Some things happened with Jack, and I just felt so sad for him. He's okay - I don't want anyone to worry about him :). But, it has been a trying week for all of us.
I have been struggling with going to church the past few months (well, all year really), and it's really for stupid reasons (self-esteem mostly). It's pretty ridiculous, but it's how I feel.
Anyways, I am still waiting for my faith to stay strong and win out my continuing battle inside! Some day, hopefully?

Jack's Getting Baptized!

Jack is getting baptized next Saturday - I am so proud of him! He is such an amazing kid and I am so happy for him. Congrats Jack. We love you!!

Kids Update

So, I know I haven't been the greatest about updating my blog - but it just seems nothing new is going on in our lifes... Same old stuff!! But, I thought I'd just blog a quick update about what our family is up to.

Jack just turned 8 and is almost done with school for the summer. He has a dance concert today, which he had a small break down this morning about - I think his nerves got to him. But, he is enjoying being a kid and loves to have found a best friend (I love it too!).

Bree graduates from preschool on Thursday and can I just say, we will MISS her teachers! They are incredible! I am so excited that they are starting a 3 & 4 year old class, so when Myles hits that age he will have them for 2 years - hooray! Anyways, Bree has just loved school. She also was involved in a group called Up With Kids. They just had their final performance a few weeks ago, and she did so great. She loves it so much, she has decided to do that instead of dance.

Myles is definitely the comedian of our family - he keeps us laughing! Yesterday he had a minor accident - we were at the high school and he was running around, tripped, and fell on a metal bar and hit his forehead. It was horrible. He had a huge black goose egg. It scared me half to death, but he is doing fine now. We kept a close eye on him all night just to make sure! But, he is loving life and being a typical 1 year old.

Dusty is still working at the same place and is enjoying being in young mens. They just had youth conference last week, and I think he enjoyed it (I don't see him much to ask...).

And, same old stuff for me - nothing much changes, but I am hanging in there!

Bree & Jada

Cousins

Myles Battle Wound

Happy Birthday Jack!!

I can't believe that my baby turned 8 yesterday - he will be appalled if he knew I called him baby...
He has grown up so much and I am so proud of him. It was an especially perfect day because they did a special mother's day concert at his school, and he was wonderful. Then, we took him and two friends to Pirate Island. We then came home and had a family party for him. It was a great day.
Jack has made such great strides this year. He had such a hard time adjusting to his new school - I think it set him back a bit. But, the past few months he has found a best friend and has done amazingly at school! I just love this guy!!
Happy Birthday Jack. I love you!!
Mom

Blog and Other Stuff

I know I only have a few friends who actually read my blog so I have been seriously considering not blogging anymore. But, since this is the ONLY journaling I do, I decided I better keep doing it. My sister-in-law made me a book of my blog last year for Christmas, and it was wonderful. So if I keep doing that, I'll have a pretty cool journal!!

Anyways, this morning about 5am I hear a cry that sounded like Bree - but I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Then I hear her little cry, "Mom" - and then she starts freaking out. I still couldn't figure out where she was because it wasn't coming from her room. Well, she was UNDER my bed! She had come in our room in the middle of the night and slept on the floor and somehow had rolled under the bed. It was so bizarre - poor girl. I but her back to bed, but then I had a hard time falling back asleep. I am EXTREMELY claustrophobic and I just kept thinking what I would do if I woke up under the bed...
Myles has been sick the past few days. He has thrown up on my twice, and had a fever yesterday. He is pretty miserable! Poor guy.
And, Jack is Jack - hating school still but still my sweetheart!